Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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