I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
