I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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