I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
