I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
