shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
