i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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