guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
