What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have demons in me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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