Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
