Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
