He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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