Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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