thus making me awesome and them whores
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
