I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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