oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
