she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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