Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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