he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
