Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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