Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
