I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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