Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she told me i tasted like america
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
