I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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