im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
