my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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