we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
