i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
