Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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