Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
