Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
