i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
