Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
