I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
