Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
