I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
