And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
