"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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