i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
