youre lurking in front of me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
