They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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