He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
