He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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