Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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