Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
