I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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