he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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