i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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