I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
