He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
