She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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