JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
