he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
