Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
