He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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