Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
