I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
