Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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