ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
