I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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