i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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