So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to make a zoo with you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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