last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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