worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
