I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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