my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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