I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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