Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
