Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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