She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
