so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
